Al Qaeda Issues Call For Fight Against France

Tuesday, June 30, 2009
By PMA

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I recently discussed a new crusade the French are embarking on against the burqas in their midst. Well, apparently, al Qaeda finally decided to take up the challenge and has now issued a call for “all Muslims to confront this hostility with greater hostility, and to counter France’s efforts to divide male and female believers from their faith with a greater effort … (by) adherence to the teachings of their Islamic sharia.”

They also say that they “will take revenge for the honour of our daughters and sisters against France and against its interests by every means at our disposal.”

So, I guess the real question now is whether or not France will do what it usually does in these situations, i.e., surrender, or if they will suddenly grow a spine and fight al Qaeda’s calls for violence along with their new battle against the Islamo-misogynistic burqa.

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3 Responses to “Al Qaeda Issues Call For Fight Against France”

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  1. Emmanuel Zitnik

    Hmm… France didn’t surrender in the 80s during the Iranian bombings, nor in the 90s with the Algerian GIA bombings in the subway, nor in 1994 when Air France flight 8969 was highjacked and all the terrorists were killed by French special forces. Nor did France surrender in Ivory Coast when they retaliated against the IC government for the killing of French soldiers by destroying the country’s entire Air Force. Nor did they surrender against the Somali pirates and instead took an active role in fighting piracy in that area.

    My guess is that your knowledge of what “France usually does in these situations” is pretty weak.

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    • PMA

      Keep guessing, because it seems your own knowledge is pretty limited, as well.

      The Iranian bombings you mention? Guess what you forgot to mention: in a pathetic show of groveling to appease Iran (who put the French Embassy in Tehran under siege and additionally held French hostages), France let their bombing suspect go free back to Iran, along with returning about $700 million of Iranian money held by France. As the liberal New York Times put it:

      There were many indications that the French people seemed to cared little whether France dealt with the terrorists directly, paid a ransom or made other arrangements with Teheran to get them out. The overwhelming expression has been one of satisfaction that the hostage issue is being settled.

      You bring two or three examples of situations where the French has no choice but do act. With the subway bombings, who would they surrender to? They didn’t even have any option of surrendering! So, who’s to say what they would have done given that option.

      What you don’t mention are all the examples of kowtowing to Islam (Iran, Iraq, etc.), to fascism (Hitler), etc. You also don’t mention the long history of surrender and/or defeat in their history. It’s nice to cherry-pick a few convenient situations, but you’re fighting a losing battle on this one.

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      • PMA

        P.S. Here’s an entertaining lesson in French Military History I saw once:

        Here is a brief military history of france:
        Gallic Wars
        Lost. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian. [Or at this time in history, a Roman -ed.]

        Hundred Years War
        Mostly lost, saved at last by female schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare; “France’s armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchman.” Sainted.

        Italian Wars
        Lost. France becomes the first and only country to ever lose two wars when fighting Italians.

        Wars of Religion
        France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots

        Thirty Years War
        France is technically not a participant, but manages to get invaded anyway. Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the other participants started ignoring her.

        War of Revolution
        Tied. Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots as chapeaux.

        The Dutch War
        Tied

        War of the Augsburg League/King William’s War/French and Indian War
        Lost, but claimed as a tie. Three ties in a row induces deluded Frogophiles the world over to label the period as the height of French military power.

        War of the Spanish Succession
        Lost. The War also gave the French their first taste of a Marlborough, which they have loved every since.

        American Revolution
        In a move that will become quite familiar to future Americans, France claims a win even though the English colonists saw far more action. This is later known as “de Gaulle Syndrome”, and leads to the Second Rule of French Warfare; “France only wins when America does most of the fighting.”

        French Revolution
        Won, primarily due the fact that the opponent was also French.

        The Napoleonic Wars
        Lost. Temporary victories (remember the First Rule!) due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for a British footwear designer.

        The Franco-Prussian War
        Lost. Germany first plays the role of drunk Frat boy to France’s ugly girl home alone on a Saturday night.

        World War I
        Tied and on the way to losing, France is saved by the United States [Entering the war late -ed.]. Thousands of French women find out what it’s like to not only sleep with a winner, but one who doesn’t call her “Fraulein.” Sadly, widespread use of condoms by American forces forestalls any improvement in the French bloodline.

        World War II
        Lost. Conquered French liberated by the United States and Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel Song.

        War in Indochina
        Lost. French forces plead sickness; take to bed with the Dien Bien Flu

        Algerian Rebellion
        Lost. Loss marks the first defeat of a western army by a Non-Turkic Muslim force since the Crusades, and produces the First Rule of Muslim Warfare; “We can always beat the French.” This rule is identical to the First Rules of the Italians, Russians, Germans, English, Dutch, Spanish, Vietnamese and Esquimaux.

        War on Terrorism
        France, keeping in mind its recent history, surrenders to Germans and Muslims just to be safe. Attempts to surrender to Vietnamese ambassador fail after he takes refuge in a McDonald’s.

        The question for any country silly enough to count on the French should not be “Can we count on the French?”, but rather “How long until France collapses?”

        “Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without an accordion. All you do is leave behind a lot of noisy baggage.”

        Or, better still, a quote from the Wall Street Journal: “They’re there when they need you.”

        Another list:

        Norse invasions, 841-911
        After having their way with the French for 70 years, the Norse are bribed by a French King named Charles the Simple (really!) who gave them Normandy in return for peace. Normans proceed to become just about the only positive military bonus in France’s [favor] for next 500 years.

        Andrew Ouellette posts this in response:
        1066 A.D. William The Conquerer Duke and Ruler of France Launches the Largest Invasion in the history of the world no other was as large until the same trip was taken in reverse on June 6th 1944 William Fights Harold for the Throne of England Which old king Edward rightfully left to William but Harold Usurped the throne Will fights the Saxons (English)wins and the French Rule England for the Next 80 Years. then the French start the largest building and economic infrastructure since the fall of the Roman Empire the Norman Economy skyrockets and the Normans inadvertantly start England to become a major world Power Vive La France-

        Matt Davis posts this in response to Andrew Ouellette above:
        Oh dear. We seem to have overlooked some basic facts. Firstly, Philip the First (1060 – 1108) was King of France at the time of the Norman invasion of 1066 – William was Duke of Normandy and, incidentally, directly descended from the Vikings. William was, therefore, as alien to France as the experience of victory. Since Philip did not invade England, the victory at Hastings was Norman – not French. Normandy may be a part of France now but it most certainly wasn’t in 1066. Therefore, William’s coronation as King of England had nothing whatsoever to do with the French. As usual, they were nowhere near the place when the fighting was going on. The mistaken belief that 1066 was a French victory leads to the Third Rule of French Warfare; “When incapable of any victory whatsoever – claim someone else’s”.

        Mexico, 1863-1864
        France attempts to take advantage of Mexico’s weakness following its thorough thrashing by the U.S. 20 years earlier (“Halls of Montezuma”). Not surprisingly, the only unit to distinguish itself is the French Foreign Legion (consisting of, by definition, non-Frenchmen). Booted out of the country a little over a year after arrival.

        Panama jungles 1881-1890
        No one but nature to fight, France still loses; canal is eventually built by the U.S. 1904-1914.

        Napoleonic Wars
        Should be noted that the Grand Armee was largely (~%50) composed of non-Frenchmen after 1804 or so. Mainly disgruntled minorities and anti-monarchists. Not surprisingly, these performed better than the French on many occasions.

        Haiti, 1791-1804
        French defeated by rebellion after sacrificing 4,000 Poles to yellow fever. Shows another rule of French warfare; when in doubt, send an ally.

        India, 1673-1813
        British were far more charming than French, ended up victors. Therefore the British are well known for their tea, and the French for their whine (er, wine…). Ensures 200 years of bad teeth in England.

        Barbary Wars, middle ages-1830
        Pirates in North Africa continually harass European shipping in Meditteranean. France’s solution: pay them to leave us alone. America’s solution: kick their asses (“the Shores of Tripoli”). [America's] first overseas victories, won 1801-1815.

        1798-1801, Quasi-War with U.S
        French privateers (semi-legal pirates) attack U.S. shipping. U.S. fights France at sea for 3 years; French eventually cave; sets precedent for next 200 years of Franco-American relations.

        Moors in Spain, late 700s-early 800s
        Even with Charlemagne leading them against an enemy living in a hostile land, French are unable to make much progress. Hide behind Pyrennes until the modern day.

        French-on-French losses (probably should be counted as victories too, just to be fair):

        1208: Albigenses Crusade
        French massacared by French. When asked how to differentiate a heretic from the faithful, response was “Kill them all. God will know His own.” Lesson: French are badasses when fighting unarmed men, women and children.

        St. Bartholomew Day Massacre, August 24, 1572
        Once again, French-on-French slaughter.

        Third Crusade
        Philip Augustus of France throws hissy-fit, leaves Crusade for Richard the Lion Heart to finish.

        Seventh Crusade
        St. Louis of France leads Crusade to Egypt. Resoundingly crushed.

        [Eighth] Crusade
        St. Louis back in action, this time in Tunis. See Seventh Crusade.

        Also should be noted that France attempted to hide behind the Maginot line, sticking their head in the sand and pretending that the Germans would enter France that way. By doing so, the Germans would have been breaking with their traditional route of invading France, entering through Belgium (Napoleonic Wars, Franco-Prussian War, World War I, etc.). French ignored this though, and put all their effort into these defenses.

        Thomas Whiteley has submitted this addition:
        Seven year War 1756-1763
        Lost: after getting hammered by Frederick the Great of Prussia (yep, the Germans again) at Rossbach, the French were held off for the remainder of the War by Frederick of Brunswick and a hodge-podge army including some Brits. War also saw France kicked out of Canada (Wolfe at Quebec) and India (Clive at Plassey).

        Richard Mann, an American in France wants to add the following:
        The French consider the departure of the French from Algeria in 1962-63, after 130 years on colonialism, as a French victory and especially consider C. de Gaulle as a hero for ‘leading’ said victory over the unwilling French public who were very much against the departure. This ended their colonialism. About 2 million ungrateful Algerians lost their lives in this shoddy affair.

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